Stalkers for Sale

This post is dedicated to the strange collection of Chinese that have seemed to pop up in my life this past month.
The Ex-Boyfriend: We will give him the English name "Louis." He looked like a Louis. I met this guy while learning a TaiJi routine with my students for a school-wide performance. He is a music major and also had a routine with his classmates. I was getting into my bag when I heard someone trying to get my attention behind me. "After!" After!" they were saying. Annoyed, that the obnoxious "Hello's!" had turned into some butchered version of my name, I didn't answer. When I was finished in my bag I turned around. "After!" Louis said again, making eye contact this time. "After is not my name." I said in Chinese. "Oh! What is your name?" I was walking back towards my students at this point thinking to myself, someone really needs to send out a memo Foreigners are NOT friendly people. Maybe I'll start with a poster. "AftIN." I called to him, "With an IN." I think he wanted me to come sit with him after that but I gave him a "You shir" (I have something) and kept walking.
The next couple of days, Louis and I seemed to keep bumping into each other. Coincidence? Maybe not. He wasn't all that bad looking for an asian guy and I had some free time so I agreed to hang out with him. I had been warned by my students about the crazy love lives of music majors so I was cautious. After a couple days of this hanging out with him and his group of friends, things started to get...asian. He took me home in a taxi and asked if he could hold my hand. Feeling a lot like I haven't played this game since high school, I agreed.
Before reaching the back gate of my campus, 5 minutes away, I had been told he was in love with me, asked to be his girlfriend, and tried to be kissed. All of which I denied with very confident indirectness. It had only taken him 4 days. I told him that perhaps the girlfriend thing would be okay later and we should take it slow as we don't really know each other.
The next few days got very interesting. One night, some of his friends asked me to go out with them since Louis had to work. Making conversation with one of the girls, I asked if she had a boyfriend.
"Yes."
"Oh, Have I met him?"
"Yes."
"Who is it?"
"Louis."
Very puzzled at this point, I smiled politely and ended the conversation.
I could only see two answers. This girl was crazy and just really liked the boy who she knew liked me or the idiot was letting his 2 possible girlfriends hang out together.
The next day I waited until the afternoon before Louis texted me, wondering if he would at all.
I was asked, "Why haven't you texted me today." I was pretty exhausted by the drama at this point but I really wanted to know what was going on. We texted for a bit and later that night he asked if I missed him.
"I don't think your girlfriend would like it very much if I missed you." I had very directly opened the issue. Perhaps not my most Chinese moment. He seemed to know exactly who I was talking about and said she was jealous because he liked me and she wasn't really his girlfriend. I wasn't so sure what to believe so I said goodnight.
The next day, by some small chance, I saw them together on campus. It was clear they were dating. He had seen me too. Upon his next message, which I was really hoping he wouldn't send, I told him to stop texting me, he was just insulting me, and I really didn't have time for the drama. I got some messages after that about he was sorry and he had only wanted to be friends but I was tired of him and I let it go.
A few weeks after this I randomly get a phone call followed by a text message. He had wanted to take me to dinner. Again, someone really needs to put out a memo about the unfriendliness of foreigners. I told him that in my culture lying was not okay and he lied to me. To assure me he wasn't actually lying, he said it was my fault. I had never told him yes to being his girlfriend so he then decided to ask the other girl.
I'm wondering what this really was. Did he want to see if I lived up the the American girl "easy" stereotype? Did he want to be cool and show of his foreign girlfriend to his friends? Or did he want a plane ticket to the US?

Little Sister: My sitemate and I decided to check out a new hot pot place on the way home from school. It's a favorite of ours and they're hard to come by in Xifeng. Our waitress was a seemingly sweet girl excited to serve the foreigners. A little too eager perhaps. Instead of thinking I was competent, she decided to hep me eat. This girl did all but put the food in my mouth. Into the hot pot, out of the hot put and into my sauce, out of my sauce and onto my plate, where she cut everything into tiny little pieces. It was a little funny, but highly annoying. Not something I wanted to have happen ever again. I finally just gave up protesting as it clearly wasn't going to work. After dinner she asked for my number and then, after giving it to her, asked if she could be my little sister and go with me to the US. At which, I pretended not to understand. She told me to call her if I was going to come again.
A few nights ago we took some students who had helped us out in our English library out to dinner. We thought this would be a good place as it was close enough to campus. I had forgotten to call my little sister. After dinner, at which she wasn't our waitress but made a point to come say hello, she called me 3 times. Not knowing who it was, I answered the 3rd time (the first time I saw the call). "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? If I call you to come eat, will you?" There was more said about being friends and America but I was tuned out. I finally got her off the phone and labeled her as "Crazy Hot Pot Girl 1."

Cray Hot Pot Girl 2: It's bad enough that 1 of the few hot pot places is ruined...but now 2? Quite a while back I started going to a different hot pot place nearer to my home. The frist day, a very awkward girl approached our table. "Hi.Nicetomeetyou.Whatisyourname?Whereareyoufrom?" Eating in peace here just doesn't happen very often. We shook her off again after pretending to not speak so much Chinese. This was a particularly good hot pot place and the girl wasn't too annoying yet so we kept returning. Every time we returned, she returned to our table with the same greeting.
Yesterday, I was returning to my home and there she was, coming around the corner of my apartment building. I recognized her but I couldn't remember where from so I let her start a conversation. After realizing who she was I became a bit more uncomfortable. How did this girl find out where I lived? She wanted to come up, but I told her no. She gave me some bananas and wanted to make friends. She wrote down all of my contact info on her arm, as she wishes to come practice at our English library, and then grabbed my arm to write down hers. After her name I took my arm away and gave her my phone to put everything in. I need to get a fake phone number.

The Man With Foreign Friends: When a Chinese person has had foreign friends before, he or she usually knows how to act around them or how to make friends with them. This guy seemed okay at first. He knew another Peace Corps volunteer whom he had met on a train and claimed to have many foreign friends from the university he attended. He came up to me at an ice cream parlor and welcomed himself into my booth. I took out my book as a hint for him to leave but no luck. An hour later I had to meet a friend and he asked me if I would mind stopping by his school sometime to interact with his students. I said maybe and to give me a call. Yesterday, I was on my way to pick up my friend China from the bus station and I receive his call.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to pick up my friend from the bus station."
"Oh. Can you come to dinner?"
"No. I'm busy."
"Well the I told the principal of my school that you would come to my class tomorrow and she wants to take you to dinner tonight."
"Well I can't come."
"Okay. Should we wait for you or go ahead and order?"
"Order. Bye!"
After dinner at some point I get a text from him asking if I can come to his class the next morning. I tell him I am busy because my friend is only in town a short while. He then calls me, why I answered my phone I don't yet know, and persuades me to agree to come for an hour. Later, China reminds me that an hour in Chinese time will probably be like 3 or 4. Not wanting to make a lesson plan for little kids I've never met, (because a lesson would have been expected) I text the guy and tell him I can't come, I am too busy. After his 3rd call I shut off my phone. This morning I see a text message saying if I do not have time to come in the morning then Sunday morning will also be okay. I'm not convinced this man has other foreign friends.
So I have some Chinese friends for sale. Highest bidder! Lowest bidder! Any bidder!

I Need Some Motivation

I have a whole year left and things seem to be wearing on my fast. I don't need to make a list of my problems. I'm sure you can google them. Writing about them will just make me dwell on them more. What I need is a coping strategy. Zenme ban? 
Maybe I've just been here so long and tried to integrate so much that I regard China as my home and just like my own home, so many things bother me about it but as it is not my culture, these things eat at me even further. Integrating for me just hasn't worked. I speak enough Chinese but people take one look at my face and think English is coming out of my mouth and they can't possibly understand me. The dirtiness still really grosses me out.I have fits of anger and moments of plain western liberalism that flat out embarrass my friends.
What appeals to me about the culture the most is the value of friendship. When they make friends, they are friends for life. None of this western, fluid, it must be convenient crap. The problem is dishonesty. I can't handle being lied to. This gift from my mother is both a blessing and a burden. I like the friends I've made in China and I would very much like to keep them in my life as so many of my American friends have disappeared but the lying makes me want to push them away. I don't blame them of course nor do I blame anyone else. The culture created itself. It just might be to difficult for me to face. I don't ask myself "why they do it?" enough. I should. So, why do they do it?
To save face. That's why they lie. The are protecting everyone from conflict. Harmony. Or maybe they lie to get your money. It's easy to lie and there are no consequences. If a lie came out of my mouth, even at the age of two, my mother would quickly fix it wither her, seemingly fair, punishment of cleaning it with soap. To save face you would even lie to friends? I though friends in China were supposed to be honest with each other, tell you when you're getting fat or when your clothes are ugly. Why not just always tell the truth then? They're not big lies. They little. Maybe because I never lie I don't know how to see them like the Chinese do. They know each other is lying. They don't have to tell the truth because they know they know.
How can I fix this? Should I be more skeptical? Should I just not care? Maybe I should stop trying to integrate. It isn't really working anyways. Who am I supposed to integrate with? The students are my age but they are my students. I would do more with them but it would meet disapproving eyes. The teachers are too old. Stuck. So be an American again? Not what I can to China to do.

Failure to Blog

Why blog? I may just be too inconsistent to keep a blog. I've never really been able too. I want to I guess...but then I think "Who will read it?" No one really. I don't really read other people's blogs. Maybe if I blog myself I will. I really should keep better track of my feelings, emotions, break downs, flip-outs, etc. I can reflect...grow maybe. 
I've spent a lot of time yesterday hating China so today I'm going to talk about why I like it.


1. Hot Pot


Tons of carbs and tons of spice. ^_^ How can you go wrong? You can kill time and enjoy it slowly with friends while you gossip about your life, the lives of others, culture, and the ways of the world. This deliciousness make me very sad to have to leave China one day. The rural midwest is just not up to date on its authentic "ethnic" cuisines.


2. Naps


I've come to rely on these sweet little things. They really give you the kick you need to get you through the rest of the long, not my culture, days. I can't get as many on new campus...and maybe this is why I have been so grumpy lately but I sneak them when I can.


3. My Students


No one, aside from my mother, pulls on my heartstrings more. Of course I have my moments with those who could care less but, the ones that do make up for it ten-fold.


4. Weight Loss


I don't know if all of it has to do with living in China r just being out of college but away it goes. ^_^I do have to bike to campus and back so maybe that and the yoga helps. 


5. Downloads


I'm addicted. All free...all easy. Nervous for my lack of connection back in the states.


Well for now this should be enough. Perhaps I can live the rest of my day in peace.